in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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