UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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