he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
