Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
