I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
