My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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