You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
