i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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