I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
