david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
