i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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