Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
