I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
