I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had sex on a dog bed..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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