ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
