Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
