who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
