I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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