I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
