broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
