My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
