I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
