I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
