Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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