Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
