Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
