I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
