Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
