Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
