he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
