Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
