Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
