Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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