im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
