You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
