well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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