It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
