Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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