i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
