Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
