There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
