its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
