i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
