I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Farmville is her only friend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
