I saw his package. It spoke to me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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