Pappa wants mamma naked
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
