The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
