I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
where does the pee come out of this thing
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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