Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
