i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
