I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
