Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
