Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
