If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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