whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My liver just had a heart attack.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
