Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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