Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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