It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
