brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
