I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
