I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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