Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
