it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Houston, we have a blender
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
