So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
