the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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