also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my sisters under your porch take her home
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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