i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
