Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
