we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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