drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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