i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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